#34You know how some characters can put a dent in your wallet in exchange for their services? Those characters, although guilty of highway robbery at your expense, are worth your gold more often than not. Even if they're not so useful, they come with a great item that only they possess (such is the case of Hugh and Rennac). Hands down one my favorites belonging to this archetype is... hold on a second.
Bartender? I require the services of a Fireman.
Volke is so strange of a character that I'm not sure where to begin with him. You'd think that such a shadowy figure would be nothing too special, right?
And how wrong you are. Volke is such a unique and great character that I couldn't leave him off here.
Like the aforementioned Gaius, he's a pleasant change of pace within his class in that he's a Thief who's combat-capable. In FE9, he possesses solid bases and growths in the right areas, and gains an OHKO ability upon promotion. However, I still don't use him seriously in this game because his class is locked into knives, the weakest weapon type in the game. He's not fragile (thieves can dodge really well to compensate for abysmal defenses) and he can certainly hold his own, but his inability to wield a decent weapon holds him back considerably.
Now (among FE1 players) who does this remind you of? He's still great at picking locks and grabbing treasure without being prone to a cheap death... although every lock costs you a bit of gold. A small price to pay for a worthwhile Thief.
It's in Radiant Dawn where his abilities shine. The Assassin is a third tier class unique to Volke in this game, and since knives are now a proper weapon class, he can take advantage of his lethal skill. The fact that he doesn't show up until one chapter before the endgame is a small price to pay for his great growths, bases, and caps. In the chapter where you recruit him, you can send him up against the onslaught of laguz on his own and send them all to their graves with immense critical rates/Lethality and come out of it with barely a scratch. No wonder so many people have paid so much for his services!
Personality-wise, Volke is one of the game's most surprising characters in that he's stoic and apathetic yet so amusing at the same time. The only thing he
ever answers to is money. Ask this guy to do or say
anything and he will charge you for it. I'm not just talking about picking locks or killing targets - he will charge Ike to
make him eat with the rest of the army. Yes, you read that right. (He doesn't like large groups.) His stoicism, apathy, and incessant monetary demands are played so straight that I actually find it really funny! This is made even more hilarious when Elincia asks him why he needs so much, and he demands a ridiculous price for an answer.
The fact that he's willing to do anything for money might make him come across as a bit of a sociopath, but he still has some degree of humanity. He actually gets a bit embarrassed when Ike thanks him for his work before the RD endgame, and he will give you a discount to recruit him in RD because he's disgusted by the actions of that chapter's boss. So he's not a total sociopathic killer... just a partial sociopathic killer who dislikes company, goes as suddenly as he comes, and demands gold for every task for no apparent reason.
And wouldn't you know it, this seemingly random assassin has plot importance in Path of Radiance!
(Spoilers for the end of PoR chapter 19)
Volke's previous contract was to Ike's father, Greil. When he was still in Daein, Greil came into contact with Lehran's Medallion. Because it is infused with chaos, anyone who touches it more or less loses their mind. Greil did just that, and the carnage commenced. Countless corpses surrounded him and the deaths were mounting until his wife Elena grabbed the medallion from him... but not before his sword went right through her.
Devastated by the fact that he killed his own wife, he hired the Fireman to ensure that if he were to ever find himself in a similar scenario, Volke would kill him. Initially, he refused (and if he refuses a job, you know it's risky), knowing that he couldn't possibly stop one of Daein's Four Riders going berserk. When Greil slashed the tendons in his sword hand to cripple himself, Volke accepted the offer.
Shortly after Greil's death, Volke finds Ike and demands a price of 50,000 gold for the renewal of the contract. When Ike collects the money, Volke spills Greil's secret and offers to do the same service for Ike. Accept the offer, and he unmasks himself as an Assassin (by putting on a mask), leading to a story-induced promotion.
Volke secures his spot here for how many surprises he has. He's one of the last characters you'd expect to have any plot importance or such strange humor, but wouldn't you know, one of Fire Emblem's most mysterious men is actually a major standout in the Tellius pantheon.
...that, and if I left him off this list, he would've demanded a price that would leave me either bankrupt or dead.
#33Okay. I'm gonna spill two bits of honesty here.
I don't like the Sacred Stones. It's insultingly easy (even if you ignore the Tower of Valni
and you're playing on "Hard" mode), its plot is boring, its features are half-baked, and its characters
suck (especially the lead protagonists. Trust me, I will rip into them hard when I get the chance). After making both the Elibe and the Jugdral rosters, there really is no excuse for how yawn-inducing, one-dimensional, and forgettable the FE8 cast is. And they had supports to exploit, yet they squandered most of them on one-dimensional jabber that sounds like an extended version of Radiant Dawn supports!
I also don't like bow users that much (specifically, people who use them exclusively) compared to other classes. Unless you're specific with their placement or the enemy AI is artificial stupidity, they're largely useless in enemy phases.
Bottom line is, for the most part, FE8 characters and bow-exclusive units aren't my cups of tea. I do not like them in a box. I do not like them with a fox.
Yet, in my rankings, we stumble across someone who fits in both groups.
And lucky me, he has a name I can't pronounce. I pronounce it "Eins", but I'm pretty sure that's wrong. Oh well...
You know, this guy really should have been the main protagonist of his game. Granted he'd need another weapon to go along with his bow usage, but still. He is, I kid you not, A THOUSAND times more interesting than the likes of Ephraim or Eirika could ever hope to be.
Actually, that's probably an inaccurate statement. A thousand times zero is still zero, but you get my point~
(I should warn you that since Innes and Ephraim are rivals in-game, it's fitting that I compare the two a lot. And if you're an Ephraim fan who can't take criticism, you'd best skip this segment. I warned you.)
Innes is the prince of Frelia with remarkable marksmanship, a gift for strategy, and an analytical mind. He's full of calculations and criticism, and if he has something negative to say, he won't bother to hide it. Don't let his bluntness fool you though - Innes is actually quite a caring guy, especially towards his little sister Tana. His A support with her reveals that he took the blame for something she did - she lost King Hayden's crown, but when Innes found it, he told him that he took it to see how it would look on his head. He's quite the selfless big bro underneath his arrogance.
I suppose I should elaborate on his abilities. (Not to be confused with battle usage, we'll get to that later.) I've made it pretty clear that I don't like Ephraim, one of the reasons being his Stu-ness in all aspects. When you think about what he does in-story and the fact that he doesn't have a flaw to speak of, Stu is a proper term for him. And I don't use it lightly. Charging into Grado with just three other guys and conquering everything in your lengthy path despite not being the most experienced or exceedingly smart person? Escaping impossible situations for no other reason than because the plot demands it? Yeah, that's Ephraim in a nutshell.
So... why don't I call Innes out on this?
Because whereas Ephraim is a strategy-deprived Leeroy Jenkins (yet somehow one of the most boring characters in the game) who abuses cutscene power to live through the plot, Innes is anything but infallible. What he does get away with is built on true strategy, his analytical and critical mindset. And he's, y'know, capable of getting himself into tight spots. Which, if you took Eirika's route, is where he is during his recruitment chapter.
Also unlike Ephraim, he has flaws. Innes is strong and smart, but his personality (oh yeah, forgot to mention that his rival lacks one of these too) leaves something to be desired in the eyes of his comrades. His bluntness overlaps with his pride and brashness, and he often comes off as self-absorbed because he's not very charismatic. He's bad at interpersonal relationships and communicates the wrong messages more often than not. Which is both hilarious and heartwarming at the same time, especially in his support with Tana. His big brother instinct drives him to try to send her back home because he cares about her, but she interprets this as him telling her to stay in the kitchen (a somewhat similar scenario occurs with Eirika). Needless to say, she doesn't take that very well. (He doesn't do this with Vanessa or Syrene since they're both Frelian knights... even though they're both inferior to Tana.) It's not uncommon for him to say something, have someone else interpret it wrong, and receive a bit of a tongue-lashing for it. ...I feel your pain, bro.
He's one of the few characters in the otherwise bland cast of FE8 who is successfully played for both laughs and drama. There's a reason I say he should've been the main protagonist. Or one of the multiple leads. Later we'll be seeing two more FE8 characters who also would make great main characters.
While I did say earlier that I don't like bow-exclusive fighters as a whole very much, I can usually make room for one on my team. Yes, Innes is both a bow user and a prepromote (the latter of which usually spells "useless" in FE), but he's surprisingly good. His bases are solid and his growths keep him usable to the end, and with FE8's awful AI and sucky stats even for FE enemy standards, his usefulness is boosted considerably. Yes, Neimi will be statistically superior if you trained her, but given how immensely annoying she is, who do you think I'm going to use? Go on, guess. You have a 50/50 shot here.
The only negative thing I can say about him is that his potential isn't fully realized. He could've easily been spotlighted in a course of character development when it comes to his relationships and charisma. But considering that it's because he had the spotlight stolen by someone with Designated Protagonist Syndrome (man, no wonder he resents Ephraim so much), I won't hold it against him. In fact, it makes me appreciate Frelia's prince that much more, and enough to firmly plant himself at #33.
#32If you've ever wondered how to fall asleep anywhere you want, I recommend you see this man.
Haar, on the surface, is the last guy you'd want in your army. (And considering that your army takes underage girls, hyper-metabolic mages, random country folk, and clown-haired gambling addicts, that's saying something.) He is lazy, hates fighting, and takes naps anywhere and anytime he pleases. Make no mistake, however - if it's his objective to kill you, you'd best pick a god and pray. He is not only a dedicated follower to those he deems good leaders, he's a deadly Dracoknight whose ability comes as a surprise given his nonchalance.
While he's decent at best in FE9, FE10 is where he becomes the bane of freaking everything. Some people consider him to be a game breaker and he's often the Meta Knight of Radiant Dawn tier lists - he hogs the top tier all to himself. Incredible Strength/Skill/Defense growths? You got it. Mastery of the best weapon type in RD? Uh-huh. Only bonus damage weakness is an underpowered magic type? Yup. Has great caps, is a flying unit... it goes on. I don't see him as a full-on game breaker because his growth and cap in Speed are both pretty low, but I don't argue with the claim that he's the best beorc unit in FE10. Give this man a job and he will get it done. (I notice that his Skill is unusually great for a guy with an eyepatch.)
But as lethal as he is, Haar isn't much of a fighter personality-wise. He hates trouble and won't lift a weapon unless he needs to. Although that's more attributed to his laid-back nature and demanding sleep schedule than it is about being a friend to all living things. Still, it's played pretty well for both laughs and serious business. He will only do his best for leaders he seems worthy of anyone's service. He learned a lot about what leadership should be from his commander Shiharam... and learned about what leadership
shouldn't be from Begnion's abominable senators. He and Shiharam used to serve the senate until they got sick of taking orders from corrupt windbags. With a nonchalant "screw you guys, we're going home", they defected to Daein.
inb4 "uh, but Daein's not their actual home"
*throws rock*
Quiet, you! Don't nitpick the references.
Anyway... after they sided with Daein, they realized after a while that its leaders weren't much better. While they tried hard to prove themselves to their superiors, they were still treated like second-class citizens.
And after Shiharam's tragic death, Haar breaks down a bit and becomes somewhat of a death seeker until Jill snaps him out of it. Which, conveniently, is when you recruit him.
This is a guy whose respect and loyalty is hard-earned, but when you earn it, count yourself lucky to have a devoted and strong ally. Seriously, good luck getting through Radiant Dawn without him.
Now I believe it's time for a nap...
...wait, we have one more segment don't we? *sigh*
Fine.#31And not so long after the first Sniper to appear here, we find another one.
Specifically, we find the Greil Mercenaries's super jerkish redhead sniper, Shinon.
If you're looking for someone who's imminently likable, you'd best look anywhere but here. Most of the Greil Mercenaries have the friendly qualities of your typical FE army. Generally upstanding guys who form friendships quickly. Shinon, on the other hand, is a Sniper whose job description clearly does
not contain the words "be polite." Given that impression (and my intense hatred for jerks who happen to be on the player's side, or the main protagonist), you might be wondering what possessed me to place such an arrogant prick on one of my positive countdowns.
Well, first of all, you did see Innes here earlier, right? He's not exactly a friend to all living things, either. Second of all, I appreciate jerks if they're done right. Especially if they're as humorous and surprisingly deep as Shinon.
This guy is a classic jerk with a heart of gold. But just hearing him speak in the main story, you definitely wouldn't know that. He openly disparages the laguz and disrespects pretty much everyone and everything around him. That heart of gold definitely requires some work on your part to find - in fact, you'll need a metal detector, a cute dog, and a fishing rod to even catch a glimpse of it. ...and by that, I mean go through his supports in PoR and base conversations in RD.
Although certainly not friendly to the world around him, he has a friendly relationship with Gatrie and a soft spot for Rolf. The former is his brother-in-arms, and the latter is his student in marksmanship. His supports with Rolf reveal that he thinks more highly of kids than adults and that he taught Rolf how to use a bow because he wants him to survive. And, uh... you know what? I'll just quote him right here. I can't really describe it myself.
His arrogant exterior houses a guy who can be really thoughtful when he tries. This occasional show of kindness is surprising given his usual demeanor, and it works to make him that much more effective as a character.
And his usual demeanor is pretty freaking hilarious!
When he's being a jerk, he's shamelessly amusing about it. Whether it's sarcasm mode activated or a witty quip at the ready, I find him to be hands-down one of the most quotable FE characters to predate Awakening. His funniest quotes are from his exchanges with Gatrie, including this little gem -
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh man, even though Radiant Dawn's overall writing sucks, that line is gold. I could go through more, but we'd be here all day.
And to round out his personality, he definitely has a certain cool factor. He gets not one, not three, but
two introductions where his bow does the introducing for him. His first appearance in PoR? Perfectly timed headshot out of nowhere. In RD? Shoot clean through a noose from a tree several yards away to rescue someone from hanging. Just... wow.
Fortunately, this is a case where gameplay and story are integrated, as he can be a great unit in both games. In FE9, his bases are crap for his level but his growths are immense. You'd think, based on that statement, that he'd just be a decent crutch, but...
After chapter 7, he leaves the Greil Mercenaries and isn't seen again until chapter 18, when he'll definitely be behind Rolf if you used him and behind the bulk of your army as a whole.
He takes more effort to train than Rolf, but I don't care. In the sequel, he becomes the easiest potential Marksman to train, starting at a high level with fantastic bases and sweet growths (although his Strength isn't quite up to par with his other key stats).
What's great about Shinon is how all the complexities and hidden depths work for him. With such a seemingly unlikable character, this could have easily been a sociopathic designated ally. But his amusing douchiness makes his softer moments more effective, and his abilities/coolness earn enough respect for me to find his arrogance funny rather than detestable. It's not often that a character can pull something like that off, but Shinon comes through with flying colors.
Whew! Thought I'd never get that segment done... and we're halfway to the top ten.
I'll be honest. I'm not sure if continuing at this pace is a good idea, since I'm struggling to write anything even half-decent and it feels like I'm rushing this just so I can get it done. I'm not sure if I should just go a bit slower so I can write these better or just take a break from writing this particular countdown for a while. I could definitely use some advice here.